FEELING INSUFFICIENT? WELCOME TO THE CLUB!

Happy new year people!!

22 days in and by God's grace I will finish this post.

Haven't blogged in over a year and the truth is that I haven't been able to do so. I have over 20 unfinished  pieces on my computer to show for it but all in all I bless God for the gift of writing and more-so for that of reading. I read many beautiful books last year. I admit I'm a slow reader yet I am proud of it. I believe that sometimes each page, each beautiful revelation must be taken in slowly and surely so that it may be understood.
I believe that 2012 was my year to just hush up and read. Anytime I thought I had a lot to share was when I wrote the least.
In all honesty, I believe that it was God's doing.

Although it was His will for me not to write as much, I struggled and I had moments when I WANTED IT BAD!!!
Other times I was frustrated that He didn't want to use me in that area. I feared I had lost my gift and doubted if I ever had it in the first place. I feared that I was no good. I felt insufficient in many areas of my life and I looked down on every gift God had given me. It was a real struggle. A battle that only me and God knew about. NO amount of encouragement could have made me feel any better. I needed to be afirmed by God Himself.


Yet here I am writing this simple post as a testimony of believing God when you doubt yourself. For the longest time my problem was unbelief IN GOD. Now I find that believing Him isn't the problem [we're still working on this daily] and that my greatest doubt is that of my own capabilities.

Thank God for grace. Thank God that He alone is the AUTHOR and FINISHER of our faith. Thank God that we are enabled through Christ to do all things. Thank God that He finished the greatest work that He started through the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

How does this affect me? How does this change my way of thinking and how does this alter my downcast emotions?
WELL IN A BIG WAY!
It is liberating to know that I don't have to try all those SELF-HELP tactics to boost up my self [flesh] up and that all I have to do is feed my SPIRIT MAN with this NOURISHING-EMPOWERING WORD that we call the BREAD OF LIFE. In doing so, the more I come to understand that I ONLY HAVE TO BELIEVE IN GOD. There lies my strength and hope. There is where I find my belonging in His BECOMING. I dare not look down on the gifts that God has given me. They are good, perfect and from above, tailor-made to suit my personality and character.
I need not worry about writing as everyone else does. I need not feel like that I lack eloquence. I need not compare my gifts to those other wonderful gifts that others have, I need only BELIEVE in God because He started this and He will finish it Himself.

Today I have written. It may seem as a small thing in your eyes but to me, this is a serious MIRACLE!
I am praising God as I type this.
I pray that He may heal you and take away all those insecurities as He has me.

Above all don't stress. I may have teared up many times staring at the blank screen of my laptop. I may have felt useless in that area yet it all changed when I was recently encouraged by a friend of mine.
She told me that the greatest story was that of writing our love in the lives of others. That type of writing isn't done with a pen or on a keyboard. It is story that is written by God alone and experienced by us. Friendships are beautiful stories and each season shared with another person is simply another chapter in our life stories.
Im more excited to LIVE in that story.
I can say it with confidence that if my life amounts to merely one chapter in print, then it is well with me for it is ONE LONG BOOK in God's sight.

To live and write again.